Learn more about getting help related to relationship violence at this website: relationshipviolencesupport.stanford.edu
What is relationship violence?
Relationship Violence is Stanford’s umbrella term that includes dating and domestic violence. Relationship violence is physical violence relating to a current or former romantic or intimate relationship regardless of the length of the relationship or gender/gender identity of the individuals in the relationship, including conduct that would cause a reasonable person to be fearful for their safety.
Relationship abuse, dating violence, and domestic violence are characterized by a pattern of coercive tactics that one person uses to gain or maintain power and control over another. Abuse can occur in marriage, dating relationships (between previous or current partners), and amongst co-habitating couples.
also referred to as: Relationship Abuse, Dating/Domestic Violence, and Intimate Partner Violence
An abusive relationship means more than being hit by the person who claims to love or care about you.
Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological and consists of actions or threats of actions meant to influence and intimidate another person.
This includes any behaviors that frighten, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone. When someone uses abuse and violence against a partner, it is always part of a larger pattern to try to control them.
Characteristics of Relationship Abuse
Abusive behaviors occur along a continuum of violence. One form of abuse rarely happens in isolation and abusive behaviors tend to escalate in frequency and severity over time. Abusive behaviors build upon one another, forming patterns and creating situations in which the mere threat of abuse can have devastating, numbing effects on the abused partner.
This sense of learned fear is often seen in a relationship where there has been a history of verbal and emotional abuse, along with some physical abuse. Subsequent verbal threats to use physical abuse are sufficient to remind the victim of prior violence and to control the situation.
Abusive behaviors are planned and repeated, with the intent of controlling the relationship. There is a distinction between a one time verbal offense (yelling at one's partner during an argument), and behaviors that are repeated. However, it is important to realize that a "one time offense" that leaves a partner feeling afraid or fearful of future abuse can be considered abusive.
If you believe that you are a victim of relationship abuse, dating violence, or domestic violence you are not alone. Abuse can occur to anyone, regardless of race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, class or profession. There is no typical victim and it is often difficult to recognize abusive characteristics in perpetrators.
The following charts show the various types of abusive behaviors that may occur in a relationship. In contrast, the Equality Wheel demonstrates the characteristics of healthy relationships based on respect, equality, choice, and accountability.
- Power and Control Wheel
- Power and Control Wheel for Relationship Abuse in LGBT Relationships
- Online Abuse Wheel
- Equality Wheel
To learn more about what the community education and outreach that the SHARE: Education Team does concerning relationship violence prevention and awareness, stay engaged with us in October which is Dating/Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
- INCITE! Gender Violence & Race
- The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)
- National Domestic Violence Hotline
- Love Is Respect: National Dating Abuse Helpline
- The Red Flag Campaign
- Break the Cycle
Books that you can borrow from the SHARE:
- The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
- Thriving In The Wake of Trauma: A Multicultural Guide
- The Compassion Fatigue Workbook: Creative Tools for Transforming Compassion Fatigue and Vicarious Traumatization (Psychosocial Stress Series) 1st Edition
- Conflict Is Not Abuse